So, now you know. . . the rest of the story (with apologies to Paul Harvey).Ski season is fast approaching. Following is a list of exercises to get you prepared:
16. Visit your local butcher and pay $30 to sit in the walk-in freezer for a half an hour. Afterwards, burn two $50 dollar bills to warm up.
15. Soak your gloves and store them in the freezer after every use.
14. Fasten a small, wide rubber band around the top half of your head before you go to bed each night.
13. If you wear glasses, begin wearing them with glue smeared on the lenses.
12. Throw away a hundred dollar bill--now.
11. Find the nearest ice rink and walk across the ice 20 times in your ski boots carrying two pairs of skis, accessory bag and poles. Pretend you are looking for your car. Sporadically drop things.
10. Place a small but angular pebble in your shoes, line them with crushed ice, and
then tighten a C-clamp around your toes.
9. Buy a new pair of gloves and immediately throw one away.
8. Secure one of your ankles to a bedpost and ask a friend to run into you at high speed.
7. Go to McDonald's and insist on paying $8.50 for a hamburger. Be sure you are in the longest line.
6. Clip a lift ticket to the zipper of your jacket and ride a motorcycle fast enough to make the ticket lacerate your face.
5. Drive slowly for five hours - anywhere - as long as it's in a snowstorm and
you're following an 18-wheeler.
4. Fill a blender with ice, hit the pulse button and let the spray blast your face.
Leave the ice on your face until it melts. Let it drip into your clothes.
3. Dress up in as many clothes as you can and then proceed to take them off because you have to go to the bathroom.
2. Slam your thumb in a car door. Don't go see a doctor.
1. Repeat all of the above every Saturday and Sunday until it's time for the real thing!
13 October 2006
Skiing
So, I have a few friends that are avid skiiers and always want me to come along. Now, don't get me wrong, I enjoy skiing. I'm just not crazy about it. And then there are other people (especially over here) that think that since I'm from near Banff, I must be a great skiier and go all the time. Not so much. Here, finally is a good summing up of the reasons I'm not crazy about skiing. I got this via email from my former boss in Calgary; it hits the nail right on the head!
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3 comments:
Yup! Nail on the head! Very funny stuff...and yet...when I'm up there on the hill...it is fun! (if the sun's shining...)
And that is why I don't ski! Oh and the chair lift line up I took out once, and the Tbar I fell off of and...Anyhoo, thank you very much for you comment on my art blog, that was really cool, you were the first person to leave a comment and it was very encouraging. Thank you so much!
So True.
I'm stealing this and posting it on the BFA site.
Thanks, chickie.
S
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